The first time I heard “to thine own self be true,” I was sitting in an AA meeting in Palm Springs. I was 19 at the time. The phrase has always had a deeper meaning. I’d repeat the words like a prayer while searching for clarity and strength.
In the midst of life’s inevitable struggles, it’s a reminder to hold on to who we are at our core.
It’s a Hamlet Quote!
Pardon my naïvety, but I only recently discovered that these words didn’t originate in the rooms of recovery, but from Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Ha. It makes perfect sense a phrase like this would find its way into the culture of AA and become a symbol for people rebuilding their lives.
“To thine own self be true” is more than just a line from an old play. It’s a call for authenticity, echoed by those who aim to live by values of honesty and integrity. Come along with me and explore how you can discover, live, and honor your authentic self.
Meaning and Origins of the Quote
“To thine own self be true” is simple wisdom, but its story begins over four hundred years ago on the stage of the Globe Theatre in London. In Shakespeare’s Hamlet, the character Polonius offers this as the last and most important piece of advice to his son Laertes, who is leaving for France. Polonius says (full passage at bottom):
“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
On the surface, the advice is straightforward: Be honest with yourself.
But there’s more depth within the words. I don’t think Shakespeare was just advising self-awareness. It seems he was suggesting that living in alignment with your true nature is the foundation for honesty in all other relationships.
That is, if you are true to yourself, you cannot be false to anyone else.
AA literature is clear that the inability to be honest with oneself can be both a cause and consequence of addiction. In recovery and in life, honesty (especially with oneself) is essential. This quote is a reminder that lasting change and real connection only happen when we operate from a place of honesty.
Over the centuries, “To thine own self be true” has passed from theater into self-help books, recovery meetings, graduation speeches, and everyday conversations about living authentically. Its endurance is a testament to how deeply it speaks to mans search for meaning, that is: To be real.
Why Authenticity Matters
Authenticity is the reason why Journoo has inherent awareness of your core values. Our primary internal metric of success is achievement your goals while living in alignment with your values. Honestly. That’s what we mean by “maximize long-term user benefit.”
Authenticity is a vital ingredient for a meaningful and resilient life. When you’re living true to yourself, your actions and choices are aligned with your core values, beliefs, and desires. This alignment creates a sense of internal harmony and personal power that can’t be easily shaken by external pressures.
Think about the opposite for a moment. Most of us experience times when we feel compelled to hide our true thoughts or to act in ways that don’t feel natural. Maybe you stayed silent on a divisive topic or took on responsibilities that clashed with your personal boundaries, just to keep the peace. While these moments might seem small, over time they can pile up, leaving us feeling disconnected, anxious, or even resentful.
Living authentically is deeply restorative. Research shows that people who feel free to be themselves enjoy better mental health, higher self-esteem, and more satisfying relationships. For me, it’s about being present and engaged in my life, showing up, taking responsibility, and making amends when I make mistakes or fail to uphold my values.
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being honest and vulnerable even when uncomfortable. It’s the first step toward building a life you can genuinely call your own.
Discovering Your Authentic Self
The journey toward authenticity begins with a quiet, honest look inward. Before you can live in alignment with your true self, you have to discover who that self really is.
What matters to you, what you believe, what brings you joy, and what makes you feel uneasy or disconnected. It’s a process, sometimes messy and always evolving.
Discover Your Self Through Journaling
One of the most effective ways to learn about your authentic, true self is through journaling. Writing creates a safe space where you can review your thoughts and feelings without judgment or interruption. Writing allows you to notice patterns, ask yourself questions, and identify subtle ways you may have lost sight of what’s most important to you. (Journoo can help!)
Some journaling prompts to help you begin (or deepen) this self-exploration:
- When do you feel most like yourself?
Recall a recent time when you felt completely at ease and authentic.- Describe the situation: where you were, who you were with, and what you were doing.
- What values matter most?
Make a list of your core values. It doesn’t need to be perfect or complete. For example, my core values are responsibility, honesty, integrity, service, forgiveness, family, and community.- Take your list, then circle a few that feel most central to your identity at this stage of life.
- Why do these values matter to you?
- Where do you feel out of alignment?
Think about areas of your life where you feel uncomfortable, disconnected, or pressured to be someone you’re not.- What is happening in those situations?
- What might you be suppressing or ignoring?
- Who or what influences your choices?
Reflect on decisions you’ve made due to expectations from family, friends, work, or social norms.- How did the decisions make you feel?
- What would you do differently if you weren’t trying to please others?
- What would you pursue if you weren’t afraid of judgment or failure?
Let yourself dream for a moment and write freely.- Are there passions or goals calling for your attention?
Set aside time to explore these or similar questions. Taking inventory weekly is a good, but doing a daily inventory is extremely effective for remembering details. Write honestly and give yourself space to evolve. The more you practice tuning in to your inner voice, the clearer your path will become.
Live Authentically (all the time)
Awareness is a powerful first step, but authenticity truly takes root when we take action.
Living authentically is series of deliberate choices, often made in the ordinary moments of daily life. It could be as simple as a smile or letting someone pass. It’s about letting your values and true feelings guide your words, relationships, and decisions.
Start Small. You don’t need a dramatic overhaul to begin living authentically. In fact, most profound changes start small.
Notice choices you face everyday:
- How you spend your free time
- What you agree to (or decline)
- What you share in conversation
Each moment is an opportunity to live and act in alignment with your true self.
Speak the Truth
Living authentically means letting others see the real you, even if it feels vulnerable. Start expressing your true opinions and feelings, especially in safe relationships. Don’t be afraid to share your needs, preferences, or boundaries, even if it might disappoint other people (but always be polite).
Honest communication lays the groundwork for genuine connection and builds your reputation for being dependable.
Set Boundaries / Protect Your Well-being
Saying “no” can be uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to pleasing others. But honoring your limits is an essential part of being true to yourself.
When you set boundaries, you create space to nurture your needs and invest energy in what truly matters.
Let Go of Approval-Seeking
It’s natural to care about what others think, but living for external validation quickly leads to frustration and self-doubt. Notice when your choices are based more on other people’s expectations than your own values or desires.
Gently remind yourself that your worth is not dependent on pleasing everyone around you.
Regular Check In’s
Pause throughout your day to ask yourself: “Is this in line with who I am and what I believe?” Regular check-ins help you course-correct if you drift away from your authentic path. Over time, these pauses become habits, making it easier to live in a way that feels right to you.
The more often you practice these small, daily acts of authenticity, the more natural and liberating they become. Gradually, you’ll find that living true to yourself no longer feels like a brave exception, but rather the most comfortable and rewarding way to move through the world.
Honor Your Authentic Self
Honoring your authentic self is about embracing who you are—flaws, quirks, strengths, and dreams alike.
Meeting your present self with kindness allows room for growth. Life becomes more about appreciating the journey rather than fixating on some ideal of perfection. Self-compassion is an anchor, especially when the path to authenticity feels challenging or uncertain.
Honoring your authentic self doesn’t have to be hard. As often as you can, make a conscious decision to treat yourself with respect and patience. Be sure to celebrate your progress, however incremental. As you accept who you are right now, you also create the foundation to become who you are meant to be.
Facing Obstacles and Moving Forward
Living authentically is rewarding, but it’s not always easy. Along the way, you may face doubt, criticism, or moments when old habits and fears pull you back into inauthentic patterns. These obstacles are a natural part of the journey, not signs that you’re failing.
Dealing with Fear and Self-Doubt
It’s normal to wonder, “What if people don’t like the real me?” or “What if I make a mistake by following my own path?”
Remember, every one of us who chooses authenticity experiences these worries. Instead of fighting them, acknowledge the fears, and then gently ask yourself what’s most important to you. Your needs and truth deserve respect, especially from yourself.
Navigating Criticism & Misunderstanding
Others might not always understand your choices, especially if they are used to you acting in a certain way. Stand firm in your self-respect, even when it means being different.
Over time, the people who genuinely care about you will support your growth, and you may even inspire them to embrace their own authenticity.
Recovering After Setbacks
None of us lives authentically 100% of the time. You might find yourself slipping back into old habits, at times saying “yes” when you mean “no,” or pretending to be someone you’re not. When it happens, try not to judge yourself.
Recognize the slip, be kind to yourself. It’s a learning opportunity. Each stumble is a chance to reconnect with your values and try again. To say it’s a constant struggle isn’t fair, since it gets easier. But I still have learning opportunities all the time. I enjoy knowing how good I’ll feel on the other side after taking action to correct an error.
Building a Support System
Seek out others who value authenticity, whether in recovery communities, creative circles, or among trusted friends and family. Sharing your experiences and listening to others can provide encouragement and new perspectives that make the journey less lonely and more joyful.
Authenticity is not about perfection; it is about progress. Every challenge you face is a sign that you are stepping out of your comfort zone and into a fuller, more honest version of your life.
As you move forward, remember: you are not alone, and every step you take towards your true self is a step towards freedom and fulfillment. Stay patient, stay kind to yourself, and keep moving.
To Thine Own Self Be Continued
Authenticity doesn’t have a finish line… it’s an ongoing journey of simple, daily choices and quiet moments of courage.
As you discover, live, and honor your authentic self, you’ll find life becomes richer, relationships grow deeper, and the burden of pretending or pleasing finally begins to lift. Remember, being true to yourself is not always easy. There will be times of uncertainty, challenge, and even discomfort.
But every effort to honor your own truth, no matter how small, is an act of self-respect and a step toward genuine happiness and contentment. You don’t have to have all the answers at once. Journaling, honest reflection, boundaries, and supportive people can all help you stay connected to what matters most.
Take a moment now to reflect on where you’re at and where you want to go. What would it mean to be just a little more true to yourself?
You’re awesome, thanks for your time and attention!
Full Passage (Act 1, Scene 3)
Here is the full original passage from Shakespeare’s Hamlet in which Polonius gives advice to his son Laertes, including the famous line:
Polonius:
Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportioned thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them unto thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch’d, unfledged comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel, but being in,
Bear’t that th’ opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express’d in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell: my blessing season this in thee!